My Christmas Miracle

In my last posting I told you that I was going on Monday, December 7th to get the results of the CT scan and have another Avastin treatment. Well, when we met with the doctor he told us the CT scan was clear. He spent about 10 minutes reading through my records and then turned to me and said, "we are going to stop the chemo treatments." My heart stopped, I asked him if he was going to call in hospice. He just smiled at me and said that he could not see any cancer so there was no need to continue with the chemo. He said it did not make sense to continue with a treatment that has potentially fatal side effects when he can't see any cancer. We will continue to have monthly check ups and then try again for a PET scan in three months. But for now....NO CHEMO!!

If you will recall, I was told just four short months ago to get my affairs in order. Both oncologists told me that I would have six months without chemo but if I took the chemo the median survival rate was three years. Obviously, we opted for the chemo and were told we would be on it for a year. If things looked good at six months then we would re-evaluate the treatment plan. But here it is just four short months into it and the doctor can't find the cancer. We were in shock. Truthfully, I still am.

I have had several conversations with God over the past few days. My first was one of great praise. I thank God for my healing and believe it to be nothing short of a miracle. Then I thanked Him for all the prayer warriors that have been faithful on my behalf. Then I started to get scared because I have been down this path before and if you remember it only took 3 months for the cancer to return. But I believe that I have gone through this second round as a testament to God's healing power. If I had been healed on the first round then people could say, "well it was the chemo that killed it". But now there is no doubt...God healed me!

Through this journey there have been several times that I pushed the panic button. I had more than one conversation reminding God of His promise to heal me. The final one was last Thursday. I was all prepared for the PET scan when CTCA called to let me know it was denied by the insurance company. Then I was told that the insurance company was also denying my last Avastin treatment. Each treatment is $40,000! So you can imagine my panic level. My stomach was in knots so I went to Debbie's desk and told her I needed some prayer support to keep it together. Debbie had just received an email from a customer with a reference to Matthew 21:22 "And in all things, whatever you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive." So we found a quiet room and prayed that God would move the mountain before us and take care of the insurance issues. I immediately started to feel the peace come over me. Within 30 minutes of praying, I got a call back from the insurance company that there was a coding mistake on the Avastin claim and they were clearing everything up and the invoice would be paid. I still was being denied the PET scan but as it turns out, it was not needed.

I learned a long time ago that when my stomach gets into knots and the panic starts to well up, it is the devil spinning his lies. I believe that when you are a child of God, Satan can't touch you. He can however, cause you to self-destruct by planting his lies and laughing at your calamity. And yet, every time it happens, I fall for it! But I can tell you the time that I am in knots is getting shorter and shorter. I can recognize it pretty quickly now and I begin to pray for peace immediately. One of my favorite verses to use is Psalms 91:1 "I stand in the shadow of the Almighty. He covers me with His wings." Understand that to stand in the shadow of something or someone means they go before you. So when the whirlwinds start up and my stomach starts jumping, I say that verse out loud and the storm subsides.

I am so grateful for this journey that I have been on. My faith has grown by leaps and bounds. I have a stronger relationship with my creator. I would not change one thing that has happened over the past 16 months. And I know that no matter what the future holds, I know who holds my future. What an awesome God I serve!

May each of you have a blessed Christmas and enjoy the time with the ones you love.

Because of Christ,

Julie

Once again life has been busy but wanted to drop you all a quick to note to catch up. First of all, Tobra's procedure went well. It was very hard on the kids to not be able to cuddle with Mom for a week but Stephanie was there to the rescue. Stephanie stayed to take care of the day to day Mom duties so the week went quickly and things are getting back to normal. The Avery household has its normal hussle and bussle feel to it again. It is always a joy for me to go over and hang out. The Avery kids are very well behaved and you never know what might come out of Hailey's mouth! Never a dull moment. I miss that about my kids.

Speaking of my kids, I got to see everyone over the Thanksgiving holiday. Gerald, Calista and myself enjoyed our Thanksgiving meal together. Calista got back on the road around 3:30 and Heather showed up around 5:00 with the grandchildren. It has been 18months since we have been able to keep them over night. It was great fun...they are growing up so fast! Katy is going to be 5 on December 7th and Logan just turned 4 on October 19th. We had a play room with toys to entertain and a separate room with twin beds for resting. It was nice to have the sound of children playing in the house again. Plus I really like hearing "Nana Julie and Papa G"....it is so cute coming from those little voices. We took them back to Vinita Friday evening, got some rest and then were off to Okmulgee to see Josh & Lacy. They are all settled in their new home and the kids are really getting big! We just hung out for the afternoon, ate pizza and watched movies. Lacy and I took a nap in the middle of everything while the guys and kids (was hard to tell which was which) played and watched movies. Then I spent Sunday decorating for Christmas. Monday was clean house, pay the bills, do the grocery shopping and run errands...whew! I needed to go back to work to get some rest.

On the medical front, I was supposed to have PET scan yesterday. However, the insurance company denied it based on my blood work. They do a test call CEA that measures the tumor markers in my blood. Unfortunately, this is not a good measurement for me since my markers have always been low even before they removed the first tumor. I tried to explain that to the insurance company and even gave them dates to go back and check test results of blood work and PET scans that were done the next day. But did not have much luck. So we only did a CT scan yesterday and will meet with the doctor on Monday to discuss results. If he sees any type of shadows or anything suspicious then he will order the PET scan again and the insurance should approve it then. This type of paper work just makes me crazy. I don't understand how the insurance company can have the power to direct my health care - AURRRG! Ironically, while I was in the waiting room yesterday, there was a gentleman sitting across from me and the physician's assistant came to him to explain the doctor is insisting he have a chemo treatment immediately but the insurance is denying it. It was kind of scary the way she was presenting it to him buy insisting the treatment be right now but can't start until the insurance company gives the okay. She sent him back to his room and said they would come get him once the doctor gets the approval. Apparently, the doctor was on the phone fighting with then insurance company at that moment. I just bent my head and said a little prayer for him. So now I lift it up to you all to pray that the doctor's will be able to run our healthcare not insurance or government. Please, this is such a major issue facing us right now. I won't get all policital with you but would covet your prayers that medical care would be returned to the medical community and those trained to treat based upon a diagnosis and not money or power.

So Monday, I'll see the doctor and do another Avastin treatment. I'm going to try to go back to work the next day. We have a big promotion going on next week and I'd like to be a part of it. So please keep me in your prayers that I would have the energy to get through the days.

I thank God for each of you and your prayers on my behalf. Please know that I keep all of you in my prayers too, even if I don't know your name, I ask Him to bless the army of prayer warriors that are standing in the gap for me. I would encourage you to read through Duet. 28: 1-14. It talks about the blessings of God. I ask Him to bless you because you have been a blessing to me. I believe that our prayers have more power when we use His words in them. After all he says that His words do not return void to Him. And I can't think of a better way to pray than to use His words.

May you all have a wonderful Christmas season!

Because of Christ,

Julie

checking in ....

It has been a while so I'll have some catching up to do. Last Friday (11/13), Tobra and I went for my fourth Avastin treatment and today I start back on the chemo pills. So far my hair is still thick and turning light brown. Thanks to Revlon, light auburn #53, it will be red again soon. I came in this world a red head and I'm going out as a red head! Since loosing my hair this past year, I have decided to let it grow. I'm shooting for a shoulder-length bob. Right now it is at the ugly stage where you just want to cut it but I'm going to be strong. It grows really fast so if I'm patient enough, it will reach shoulder length by February.

Enough about the trivial, I have been on the Avastin for three months now. It is starting to take a toll on my joints. The doctor says one of the side effects is stiffness in the joints so that is why I have to walk the 3-5 miles a day. So far I'm good with the 3 miles but have not made it up to the 5 mile point yet. But I have a great support group that is faithful to keep me going. Tobra who always attends my appointments and keeps the doctors in line. Then there is Julie Q, Debbie and Jamie who keep me walking. And of course Gerald, who keeps me walking, eating right and on my meds. You guys are such a blessing to me....it means more than you know!

Last Friday, during my routine appointment prior to treatment, I met with the team. Dr. Pollock, the oncologist is concerned about the effect on my joints so he ran some extra labs. I will know the results on my next visit. For now, I am scheduled for my next PET scan on 12/4 and then will discuss the results with the doctor on the following Monday. Please keep in your prayers that the PET scan will come back negative. Gerald and I both feel that if we can get through this next scan with a negative result then I can end chemo at the six month mark instead of year. Gerald's exact words were "if this scan comes back negative, maybe we will be home free".

The rest of my medical team was pleased with my results. I'm sticking to my nutritionist diet plan. The naturopathic doctor prescribed some fish oil to help with the joint pain and scolded me for not taking the evening primrose oil pills. But I promise, I'm back on the regime! Physical therapy says to add some stretching into my walking routine. Nothing major just warm up type stretches. So I went to the gym on Sunday and did my walk and stretched for 30 minutes. My reward was 10 minutes at the oxygen bar and 20 minutes in the massage chair. Then came home, ate dinner and slept like a baby.

For now, I'm doing okay. My spirits are good and like Dory from "Finding Nemo" says.....just keep (swimming) walking...just keep walking...just keep walking.

paybacks are NOT "heck"

hey everyone, it's tobra....it's been a very long time since i've blogged here. julie has been doing a wonderful job and so i've let her take the reigns on updating everyone on how things are going. i'm not going to post a big long novel (which i'm notorious for) i just wanted to share a little something from the other side of the fence.

i have grave's disease which is an autoimmune disease for which there is no cure, just treatment. it causes (among other things) hyperthyroidsim. in my case, it went for several years undiagnosed and was pretty severe when it was discovered this past february. by april i was experiencing cardiac problems and liver function issues. my endocrinologist needed to start a treatment quickly. there are 4 treatment options:

• no treatment - eventually the thyroid "burns out" on its own which is unsafe, and in the mean time i continue to have cardiac and liver issues
• surgery - which will work, but is risky and invasive
• medication - which has a good chance of controlling temporarily, not so much long term. but it can cause immune system problems and liver damage
• radioactive iodine (I-131) therapy which destroys the thyroid chemically, little risk of side effect, sometimes has to be repeated, but i have to isolate myself for 5 days from my family

i decided to have the radioactive iodine treatment. this was after months of research and lots of consultations. i was originally supposed to have this done in july when my kids were with their dad for a week. but my labs were off the charts too high and it wasn't safe for me to attempt it at that time. so they began treating me with the medication as a temporary way to get me healthy. i did in fact end up having some immune system problems just as of late, but my thyroid labs were down to normal last week and we had this window of opportunity to get me off the medicine and do the RAI (radioactive iodine)

i have said all that to say this... the RAI is really not a big deal. there are some swelling and soreness/neck pain associated with it, and hoarseness. flu like symptoms. but not really a big deal. i just have to be away from my family and that's the big impact. and in the beginning i struggled with which was the right decsion to make for treatment. but months ago i picked the RAI and i was prepared. or so i thought.

so today was the big day, but for some reason i had a meltdown as i drove myself to the doctor's office to "take the pill." i'm not sure if it was my nerves getting to me, maybe because i'd been off my meds for 8 days, or just the fact that it's so permanent or that i'll actually get worse before i get better. but either way, i was crying my eyes out driving down 169. probably scaring the heck out of everyone else around me :) when i got to the doctor's office, i turned around to see the one and only julie standing behind me. she knew i was upset, and drove over from CTCA to come sit with me. she was able to stay until they actually administered the treatment and then she had to leave, but before that it took them almost an hour so it was quite a wait. so she sat and we talked. and honestly, as it happens so many times - usually the other way around - we didn't talk about the medical stuff. we talked about other things. we laughed. we joked. it was such a relief to have her there. i was scared, and what i'm in the middle of isn't nearly as big of a deal as her fight right now, and i was upset. it gave me a new appreciation for what she is going through. but more than that, it gave me a new appreciation for her friendship. when i turned around to see her standing behind me after i checked in, it was as if the biggest weight had been lifted. she considered this "repayment" for my support for her. well as you can probably imagine, i've never expected anything in return for helping her through treatments (other than one little thing - she has to live, i've kind of demanded that of her :) and i'm not saying julie felt obligated to be there, it wasn't that at all, she cares about me as much as i care about her. she was there out of love, not because she owed me. but i understand a tiny tiny glimpse of what it means to her when we all support her, because she did that today for me. my mindset completely changed when she was there with me. that's why having a support system is so important in any struggle, especially the one she's fighting right now.

so, you always hear people say "paybacks are 'heck' " (to say it nicely) ... not so much. i think we all need to forget wasting our energy on "getting back" at someone who has wronged us, and start moving forward with returning what we have been given. everything comes from God. even julie's support system, gerald, me, all of you, though we are just people, He has placed us in her life. and He gave Julie to me today in my hour of need, and everyday as a wonderful friend. no, not just a friend - she is family.

thanks julie. i love you. keep up the good work on living... so far so good :)

and sorry everyone... it ended up being another novel.....

Life's a rollercoaster ride!

I am going to apologize in advance, it has been a while since my last post and a lot has happened so this is going to be a long one. First as you know, I went back to work part time. I've got two weeks under my belt now and am starting to get back into the swing of things. It takes all a have to get through the day then I come home and lay on the couch for the rest of the evening. Thank goodness I have the world's greatest husband who cooks dinner, does dishes, picks things up and throws in a load of laundry!

Let me back up a couple of weeks....my last doctor's appointment was on October 2nd. It was a scheduled appointment before a chemo treatment. During our conversation, Dr. Pollock asked how I was feeling from the first treatment. I explained that except for some nausea and fatigue that was very manageable, I was feeling pretty good. He jokingly asked if he had given me a placebo then brought up my PET scan from August. As we were reviewing it he pointed out a spot that we needed to keep an eye on. I asked if it were inside or outside of my bowel? He looked at me kind of funny and asked "where"? I asked again, inside or outside of my intestine? He looked at me and said; "Julie, this is on your lung". I immediately began to shake and tears started running down my cheeks. He was surprised by my response and told me that I had this when I came in the door, it was nothing new. I told him that no one has ever said anything about cancer anywhere in my body except for my abdominal area. He reviewed the radiology report and they are calling it metabolically active "brown fat". I asked for an explanation and was told that it is just dense fat tissue that is showing metabolic activity, nothing to panic about but certainly worth keeping an eye on. I know he was trying to defuse the situation but it wasn't working! I think my ears closed up at "its on your lung". So I went upstairs for my treatment and cried for the next hour.

I have been touting how I am not afraid and that I trust God, but I have to tell you that really rocked my confidence. Which put me into a tailspin that my faith was weak and how I should not doubt God. And the roller coaster ride started (again). A million things ran through my head..."God, you said you were going to heal me"... "Wow, how weak are you that you would doubt the God of the universe!"..."Well maybe God is going to heal my on the other side of eternity"..."God, what are all my friends going to think when I die and I told them that you told me you were going to heal me?"...."God, are you mad at me, did I do something wrong and you are taking my healing away?"...and the list goes on. Needless to say I lost sleep and it really took the wind out of my sails. I didn't want to show fear on the outside because I didn't want to let anyone know that I was doubting but at the same time I felt terrified inside.

I shared the news with a few people. Among them was my friend Debbie, who is also one of my walking partners. On Thursday last week, during our walk I told her that I was having a hard time. I felt like I should be trusting God but was really failing in that department. Then she said two things that hit home for me. First, she said "you are looking for tangibles. Life does not offer tangibles." For example, you always think you will go before your children or you will always be married to that person. But we all know that life does not work that way.

The second thing Debbie said was to remind me of a lesson from a Bible study we took once called Experiencing God. She reminded me of "the crisis of belief". That is where God has told you one thing and the whole world is saying the opposite. Who are you going to believe? Of course, we all SAY we are trusting God but when it really comes down to it...do you? I was not. I was in fear and believing and the things of this world. I feel like God used Debbie to remind me of a truth I lost site of momentarily. The truth is that God is in control. God spoke the universe into existence and He holds my breath not the doctors and my God is greater than cancer! If God said He was going to heal me and he has not told me anything differently, well then God is going to heal me. So I go back to the verse He gave me over a year ago:

So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
For I am the Lord, your God,
who takes hold of your right hand and says to you,
Do not fear; I will help you.
Isa 43:10

I am grateful that God is patient with me. I have seen miracles in my life and I should expect nothing less when it comes to my health. God says that His word does not return to him void. He told me a year ago that He would heal me and backs is up in His Word; "by His stripes we are healed." So I am going to relax and trust God. Because what I don't want is for Jesus to pat me on the back and say "nice try". I want to see his beaming face and hear "well done". And so I press on knowing that I have an army of prayer warriors behind me to cheer me on and intercede for me in my weakness.

I thank God for each of you daily, your prayers and support are what get me through. Thank you.

Because of Christ,

Julie

Heading back to work

Well the first round of chemo went well and the doctor says it is okay to go back to work part time. I had my second round of the Avastin on Friday and started back up on the chemo pills this morning. So far so good...a little fatigue but doing well.

I'll go back to work on Tuesdays, Wednesday and Thursdays for a while. Then we'll see how the energy level holds up and the doctor may say full time it okay. He is a little concerned because the chemo will build up in my system and the further along we go the rougher it is going to get. I told him that I was a pretty tough old bird and that I was not afraid. We discussed my next PET scan will be around Thanksgiving time and we can see how things are going then.

So I'm spending today trying to get all the little details squared away so my mind will be ready for work in the morning. I'm excited about getting back into the swing of things.

See you all soon,

Julie

What a beautiful day!

Wow! the weather is perfect today. We slept with the windows open last night so I got a great night's sleep. I have to admit that I may have bit off a little more than I can chew...I spent yesterday painting the pantry. It is a small 3 x 5' closet so I thought I could knock it out in a day, right? Not so much! I would do a little and then rest for while the do a little more. The long story short...I'll finish it today. So my great ambitions of painting the laundry room and master bathroom will have to wait for another time. But I am confident that I will have a few more years to get to it.

As you may know, my new chemo regime is to take the pills for two weeks and then take a break for one week. This is my non-chemo week...YEA! I have been faithful to my walking with a little (okay a lot) of help from coach Gerald. And eating right is becoming a habit too. I fully expect a good report from the doctor on Friday. I'm really looking forward to getting back to work next week.

That's really about all I have to say for today. I need to get back to painting and then because it is so beautiful, I'm going to walk an extra mile today. I hope you get the chance to get out for a little while and enjoy this weather.

Because of Christ,

Julie

Breakfast at Hilti

A had a great day Friday! I met my team for breakfast and was a "social butterfly" all around customer service for the morning. Then off to lunch with friends. I miss everybody at work and am looking forward to getting back. Jason Flam was so kind to take pictures of my old desk and move everything in the exact place to my new desk. So I am set and ready to roll or as I like to say it "smile and dial". At our last appointment, the doctor said for my head he wants me to go back to work but for my body he wanted to get through one chemo cycle to see how I handle everything. I think things have gone very well so I'm anticipating the release to go back to work. My goal is to start back on October 6th and work Tuesday, Wednesday & Thursday each week. That will allow me to take my chemo treatments on a Friday and have 4 days to get over it.

In the meantime, I have a few more house projects to accomplish before going back to work. Paint the pantry, laundry room and the master bath. Then of course keep repairing the damaged cushions from Abby. Whew! I made need to return to work just to get some rest.

This weekend is Gerald's birthday so it is his weekend to do what ever he wants. I have made no plans we are operating on Gerald time. He just went to Lowe's to spend his gift certificate from Aunt Mary then off for a hair cut. I think we are going to the movies tonight.....wherever he wants to go. Hope you guys have a great weekend and spend some time outside enjoying this beautiful fall weather!

Because of Christ,

Julie

P.S. If anyone is still interested in the Prayers for Julie bracelets please email me at julieandgerald@gmail.com I'll be happy to get them to you!

One week down 51 more to go!

Well the first week of chemo is behind me....only 51 more to go! The doctor will do PET scans every quarter to make sure we are on the right track but expects that we will keep this regime up for a year. My next appointment is October 2nd and I'm hoping that he will let me go back to work on a part time basis. So far the side effects have been very manageable. I am learning to eat differently and trying to walk 3 to 5 miles a day. (Let me emphasize trying) I will continue with the chemo pills through this week and next week will be a "non-chemo" week. Then back on the 2nd for blood work, meet with the doctor and schedule the next Avastin treatment then back on the chemo pills for two more weeks.

I had a nice weekend...Friday evening Debbie Auman came over to help me with a little sewing project. Thanks to Abby, I need to repair damage to all the cushions on our living room furniture. Apparently Abby was not happy about us taking a vacation and let her feelings be known through a little demolition. My couch cushions look like a wild cat attacked and shredded them. She also felt that the chair cushion no longer needed the zipper in the bottom to hold all the stuffing either. "I love my dogs...I love my dogs...I love my dogs" has been the mantra while making the necessary repairs. All the while Abby just sits there all wide-eyed and innocent while I attempt to put everything back together again.

Then on Saturday, I went to see Momma Mia with Julie Qualls. What a show! We had great seats and the show was a lot of fun with beautiful costumes, sets and the music was terrific. While we were there, we got a list of the upcoming attractions. Julie and I talked about trying to see the Manhiem Steamroller show in November along a couple of shows coming in the 2010.

Gerald & I just want to say again, how grateful we are to have such great friends. Your prayers and words of encouragement have been overwhelming. It seems like every time we reach a point of discouragement there is someone there to let us know we are not alone. Deuteronomy 28 talks about all the blessings that God will pour out on us if we follow His commands. God says, "I will bless those who bless you and curse those who curse you". So with that promise, we want to say blessings to all of you for your faithfulness during our time of struggle. May you see God at work in your life today. Have a great week!

Because of Christ,

Julie

Started Chemo

I went for my first Avastin treatment yesterday. It was not that bad, the worst part was sitting in the chair all hooked up and listening to all the possible side effects. "Of course they don't all happen, we just have to make you aware of everything" she says politely, like that is somehow going to make it all better. Now that we have you all hooked up and you can't run away we'll tell you the bad side of the drugs!

The good news is that they gave me Benedryl to avoid an allergic reaction but the best part is it makes me sleepy. Sleep has been a real issue for me lately, too many things on my mind to sleep. So I'm happy to report that 14 hours later, I have no side effects and slept like a baby from about 7:00 last night until 5:45 this morning. Wow, I'd forgotten how good it feels to wake up refreshed. I got out and did a two mile walk just as Gerald went out the door for work. Put on my iPod and listened to some praise and worship music and watched the world wake up...pretty cool. According to the doctor, I am supposed to walk between 3-5 miles a day. Good thing I had some shiny new walk shoes!

I also started the Xeloda (chemo) pills this morning. I really should have started on Sunday but chickened out. So far no side effects so I'm going to work on a couple of projects around the house today. The dogs have chewed up several cushions on the couch and chair so I'm attempting to repair them. Anyone that knows my limited sewing skills, will find that statement very amusing. Overall this is a good day so I give thanks to God for giving it to me.

Which is a good lead in to what is really on my heart this morning, I noticed several comments on facebook the other day...."waiting on Friday" or "Can't wait until Friday". Without sounding "holier than thou" as my grandpa used to say, I just want to remind you all that everyday is a good day and you should be glad for each one instead of always looking forward to the future. By always hoping for another day, you miss the joy of the day that is set before you. Know one knows how many days they are going to get so my prayer for you is that you open your eyes and see what is in front of you today and enjoy it to the fullest. It may be your 5 year old who just learned how to tie her shoes or your teenager that just made a wise choice or even your spouse walking out the door to work to provide a life for your family. Everyday is special so please slow down and enjoy where you are right now. It goes by so quickly.

Because of Christ,

Julie

What a great day!

I apologize that it has been so long since I have posted anything. As you know, we met with the doctor and discussed his proposed treatment plan. Then last Monday, I met with the financial office to confirm a few things. Turns out that CTCA is out of network for our insurance and that is when the panic began. Without going into a lot of detail, I spent most of last week on the phone with the insurance company, Mayo Clinic and MD Anderson trying to find a way to get my treatment without racking up HUGE medical bills. I tried everything and by late Friday afternoon I had exhausted all my resources. My brain hurt, every time I made a phone call it would lead to another option that I would chase down which lead to three more phone calls. At a point of tears, literally, I called CTCA and explained that I could not afford to get my treatments there and thanked them for their time. The case manager, Susan, told me to rest for the weekend and she would see what she could do. So I started the weekend in a state of uncertainty and anyone that knows me knows that I have issues about leaving things undone.

I started this week stressed about where I was going for treatment, needing to get something started soon, talk to my boss about when I was coming back to work, how am I going to get to and from possible out-of-town treatments and all the details that were whirling around in my head. I knew that I was going to be spending a lot of time on the phone again trying disparately to work everything out. In addition to everything else, my time was running out because my short term disability provider was needing a note from my current doctor and I didn't know who that was going to be! I had to have an answer them by Wednesday morning. Now if that were not enough, I was summoned to jury duty. Gerald has served jury duty twice, my oldest son was summoned two weeks after turning 18 and I had never been summoned. Why now, the worst possible time for me....ARRRG!

So I woke up Tuesday morning and spent some time talking to God over my morning coffee. I explained all my issues (as if He didn't already know) and told him that I needed some help today. I asked if He could take care of the whole jury duty thing so that I could come home and make all the phone calls to resolve things. I also asked if he would make a way for me to go to CTCA and take care of the billing issues. I still wanted to go there because I believe that I can work through my chemo treatments and want as little time as possible off to do so. Not to mention, they are local and that would take care of any travel issues that go along with Mayo or MD Anderson.

So as 7:15, I went downtown, stood in line with about 250 other people that had been summoned. When it was my turn to check in I explained that my doctor was needing a fax number to send the documentation they requested. I was sent up to the 6th floor, got the fax sent over and a very nice lady told me to go home and take care of myself. I was home by 9:30 to make my phone calls. I spoke to Patrese in our HR department, who was extremely helpful and gave me a few more options to consider for treatment. I made a few more phone calls to follow up on the new option, then I called CTCA and asked if they had found a way for me to get my treatment from them. She explained that she had to make a few more calls and would get back to me. After a few more calls myself I had done all I could do. Then the Holy Spirit reminded me of a verse that I had been given over the past week; "Be still and know that I am God". So I put everything in God's hands and went grocery shopping, ran a few errands and did some laundry. I didn't even think about it all afternoon. Again, for anybody that knows me knows that is amazing!

Then at 4:30, I got a call from CTCA and they had a plan that will take care of all my insurance issues at a price that I can afford! There you have it...I did what I could do and gave the rest to God and He worked out all the details in a way that quite simply amazes me. I had a great day for several reasons; I learned to put everything in God's hands and watched Him work it all out. And that I need to trust in the boundaries of what I can do and what God needs/wants to do for me.

What an awesome God I serve!

Completely because of Christ,

Julie

feeling good...

julie wanted me to update and let you all know she's feeling pretty well. she gets tired when she over does it (i'm sure NONE of you can possibly imagine julie over-doing anything!) and there is still some intermittent pain from the surgery, but for now she's feeling very well. she's dealing with the hormonal changes with some naturopathic treatments and even went for her first accupuncture session the other day! our little julie who is (was, ok still is) petrified of needles - had accupuncture! she loved it, said it helped her feel better and sleep very well that night... she and gerald and taking some time to discuss all the options in front of them and make sure they have all the bases covered.... they love your concern and support so keep checkin' the blog for updates, i will try to be more punctual with my blogging :) keep up the prayers too!
-in Christ
tobra

We're back!

Well vacation is over and we had a great time. It was nice to get away and just be Gerald and Julie...no doctors, medicine or talks about treatment plans. San Diego was awesome! We saw the zoo, Old Towne, the USS Midway and the Museum of Natural History. We took lots of pictures and still has time to just relax on the beach. We are convinced that Corando island is the place to retire. All we have to do is win the lottery and then we've got it made in the shade.

I went in for my PET and CT scans on Friday and we met with the doctor today to discuss the results. Great news - no cancer showed up in the scans! Dr. Pollock did explain that we are going to do chemo to keep the cancer away. He explained that there are still microscopic cells floating and we want to kill those off.

The treatment will be a little different this go round in that I will take Xeloda chemo pills. In addition to the pills I will take a medication called Avastin. The doctor explained that tumors develop blood vessels that attach themselves to good vessels. The Avastin will kill those blood vessels and prevent anymore tumors from developing. I will go in every three weeks for the Avastin and I'll take 4 chemo pills a day for two weeks and then one week off. We will continue the cycle for at least a year. During the year we will do multiple PET scans to monitor the effectiveness of the Xeloda and Avastin. I will see the doctor every three weeks prior to each treatment for regular check ups. During the first month of treatment, he has asked me to come in weekly so they can monitor any side effects and manage them, that to us shows a deep commitment to care.

So I will begin the treatment after Labor day. The doctor did not see any reason that I could not return to work as long as we keep a close eye on the side effects. I'll go back for two weeks on a part time basis and then be back to business as usual by the end of the month.

Philippians 4:4-14 NLT - This is on my heart today

I spoke with Julie today after they arrived home... she sounded so wonderful, so revitalized. I was happy to hear that they had a wonderful vacation, I won't spoil it for you, I'll let her share their great story... but this passage from the Holy Bible has been on my heart all day and I felt the need to share it with all of you. Chances are if you are "praying for julie" then you are already a Christ follower, but sometimes we need to be reminded that even in the rough seas, He is with us, and this scripture brings me comfort in knowing that the Lord will be with Julie, and Gerald, every step of the way, and that their worries can be given to Him, and that SHE can do all things through Christ who strengthens her.... Glory be to God... oh - and I saw another rainbow today :) enjoy the read... I read several translations before deciding to post NLT, though I usually read NIV, I thought this conveyed the message I wanted to send..... -in Christ, Tobra

4 Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again—rejoice! 5 Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon.
6 Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.7 Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.
8 And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.9 Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you. 10 How I praise the Lord that you are concerned about me again. I know you have always been concerned for me, but you didn’t have the chance to help me.11 Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have.12 I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little.13 For I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength.14 Even so, you have done well to share with me in my present difficulty.

On Vacation

Well we have arrived! We made our flights with no hassles. The timing was perfect all the way around. We had just enough time in between flights to get something to eat and when we landed the hotel shuttle was pulling up just about the time we stepped to the curb. The hotel is beautiful. I'm including the web address so you can check it out (www.hoteldel.com). We checked in about noon, went out on the sun deck for lunch and watched the world go by for about an hour. Then we spent time wandering the resort and seeing everything that is available. After a little nap, Gerald and I went out on the town. Since we did not rent a car (travel agents' suggestion) we walked up and down the main street. It was wonderful, everything you need is right here and the exercise was good for us too.

Day one, we caught a ferry over to the mainland and went to see the USS Midway Museum. It is the actual decommissioned destroyer. Coming from a military family myself, it was cool to see the history and how they do things. It is a huge ship and took all afternoon to get through it. Then we took the ferry back to the island, did some shopping and had dinner. We left our room about 10:00 that morning and got about around 7:30......walking the whole day! My doctor would be proud. Needless to say we both fell asleep and slept like babies. So now it is 7:30 on Saturday morning and we're off to tour Old Towne.

We are having a great time! See you guys soon,

Because of Christ,

Julie

rainbow today

i thought i would share this after julie's post the other day... some of you aren't from here, but those of you who are familiar with owasso will know i took this today facing northwest in the jcpenny parking lot.... and if you know where julie and gerald live, you will recognize that the end of this rainbow essentially "lands" on their home. i thought it was fitting given her recent blog post...
remember - the rainbow represents God's promise...

in Christ - tobra

cancer didn't get to have her today....

wow! what a wonderful day we were blessed with! julie and i had a lot to "catch up" on... and we managed to check everything off of our list. i gotta tell you - that's a great feeling! we had to work on some computer stuff, tweak a few things, and set others up. but the best thing about today was that i could tell the moment julie got in the car she was feeling great. she looked beautiful, acted super happy, and was in overall great spirits. i felt like, for the first time in a year, i had my friend back. i felt that cancer didn't get to have her today -i did. that was awesome. i am so blessed to have been able to share this time with her! but i am more happy that she felt so great herself. it was wonderful to see her without pain, nausea, or sadness. she is looking forward to her new treatments, but mostly excited about her and gerald's first vacation this week. they are headed west for a wonderful romantic trip that i pray will energize her for the months going forward. i think this will be a great time of special memories, and more importantly, wonderful moments for them to escape the hold of doctors, medicines, and other things that won't get the joy of a mention. i hope you will join me in praying for a safe, happy trip for them in san diego and a week of solace and peace so that they can concentrate on themselves, each other, God and healing. i really anticipate that this journey will revitalize her already incredible zest for life. as we push forward, i want you all to know i will continue to appreciate your prayers and well wishes for julie. you have all been amazing... the support they have received is overwhelming. even the bracelets have been a huge hit... i love seeing people "wearin' the blue" :) if you have not received one, i still have some left. please contact me if you haven't already - and if you have sent me a message, but have yet to get a bracelet, please know that it's been a pretty chaotic couple of weeks with CTCA all of last week and my kids starting school this week. i have them available so just email me again.... thank you for your patience... i'm posting a couple of pics from today so you can see how FANTASTIC julie looks! thanks again for your continued prayers and let's wish them a wonderful and memorable trip.... in Christ - Tobra

Faith - by Julie Qualls

This poem was written by a friend/co-worker of Julie's (her name is also Julie) she is very talented and wrote this especially for "our" Julie... she asked that I share and I am privileged to do so....thank you!

Faith

Come with me now down the path unseen

To search for that which is lost.

Let one step follow another through the darkness,

Seeking illumination.

Close your eyes and trust,

And the heart will guide your way.

Walk through the fear, anger, shame

And leave them all behind.

They will not stay if you do not hold them close.

Feel the lightness of your spirit

As They fall away, like leaves

In the brisk November wind.

With the darkness fading,

Your vision becomes clearer

And you can see the beauty that exists

In what was once ignored.

The darkness may return,

But there is now within you

That which can defeat it---Faith.

© 2009 Julie A. Qualls

God's Promise

In the spring of 1999, I was planning our wedding. We were going to get married in the back yard of the new home we were building and the reception was going to be in the house. We had a DJ service set up and dance floor in the garage. It was going to be beautiful! The big day came and about 20 minutes before the ceremony it started to rain. Not just a spring rain but the kind that Oklahoma is so famous for...tornado rain. The winds picked up and blew all the chairs and arch over, the tornado sirens went off and the clouds rolled in and it looked like night time at 6:00 in the evening. The pastor's wife came to me and said..."slight change of plans, we are getting married in the house." It was not what I wanted but it didn't really matter because at the end of the day I was going to be Mrs. Gerald Herron.

We got married and the reception began. As soon as the ceremony was over, the rains stopped and the clouds broke. Gerald and I were in the back yard when someone snapped a picture and in the background was a rainbow. It is a really cool shot so we had in enlarged and framed. It was a special thing between us, our promise from God that things were going to be okay. Then one year later, exactly to the time, we were walking in to Albertson's to pick up a couple of steaks to grill and there in the sky was a double rainbow. We just laughed and said, God is just letting us know He is here to celebrate with us.

Now fast forward nine years, it is August of 2008 and we are told that I have colon cancer. God told me that He would heal me. We go through the surgery, the chemo and try to do all the right things. In April, the doctor says "congratulations, you are a cancer survivor!" We think we are past everything until 90 days later when the PET scans show the cancer has returned. You can imagine how that would shake your faith. All kinds of things have run through my head. As you know the doctors have told us to get our affairs in order. So to say that my faith has been a little shaky lately is an understatement. We have been calling on everyone we know to pray with us for healing.

Last night, our pastor and his wife came over. They asked what we wanted prayer for specifically. We asked that the cancer be driven out of my body and Gerald and I can grow old together. Curt reminded us of Abraham and how God told him he would have a son. It took 25 years for that promise to come about. We are sure that during that time both Abraham and Sarah questioned and reminded God of the promise. But in Hebrews, Paul wrote that both Abraham and Sarah were people of great faith. That helped me tremendously. God promised healing to my body, but in light of the recent events, I have questioned and reminded God of his promise. It made me feel like my faith was not strong enough and that I was doubting God. It has been an emotional roller coaster. The encouragement that Curt and Donna gave us last night was huge. But here is the best part....Gerald called me a little while ago to let me know that on his way to work this morning it rained off and on. Then as he was pulling into Hilti, there was a double rainbow in the sky! God is watching over all of us and he hears our prayers. Please continue to stand in the gap for us. Pray specifically for the cancer to be driven out of my body and that Gerald and I can grow old together.

I thank all of you for your prayers and encouragement. I am amazed at your generosity and kindness. May God continue to bless and keep you.

Because of Christ,

Julie

CTCA day one.....

wow. what a difference a day makes. the situation left untreated is still a bad prognosis, but fortunately for julie, we have new resources to help treat this monster. here's what we found out and experienced today...and be forewarned... this is LONG. (sorry... ) but our day was nearly 6 hours and can't be summed up in one paragraph....

9am... we walked into CTCA where we were escorted immediately to "the clinic" where they began the registration process. at this time, a "shadow" joined us to follow us through our day and view life from the patient's perspective - just the first of many clues that they are dedicated to care. we became quite attached to young suzie, my "blue state" friend who most recently lived in chicago where she graduated college in june. and we all got to make her laugh as we talked all day about guns in oklahoma. she was "blown away" (LOL) by finding out that many people are licensed to carry a gun... including those she was traveling with today :) she provided a lot of fun as we all planned a day at the range with our new friend. she also was extremely accomodating as we progressed and would often speak up with questions the 3 of us had overlooked. it was nice to have someone with us all day... espcecially someone who has only been in tulsa 3 days and didn't know anyone at CTCA. we were all in this together. sooo, after the normal paperwork, insurance stuff and contact info, julie was asked to complete a survey of approximately 50 questions regarding how SHE felt, physically, emotionally, mentally right now. it was very detailed wanting to know her pain issues, from surgery, from the illness, and from her prior chemo. it was nice that they are interested in everything from being tired, to being able to read without concentration issues, and being able to walk. from there, we met with patient resources where our rep explained how our week would go, who we would meet with, what resources were available, introduced us to the "amenities" of CTCA, an on site pharmacy, a cafe with a chef who prepares only meals made with organic foods, meats from a farm where no hormones, steroids or antibiotics are used, and foods that are specifically catered to promote healing and boost immune systems. there is "humor therapy, where a group of people get together just to laugh... as it is the best medicine." and she explained the rights of the patient, their dedication to care, and their committment to making sure the patient was happy. she explained a lot really, more than i can type. anyway, we moved on to an hour in a little room where julie gave her entire medical history, family history, current meds, symptoms, etc. the guy "chuck" who we were working with lives only 2 blocks from julie and gerald! they have patients from all of the country, and staff as well, and this guy is in the "neighborhood". we were very happy to hear about his christian faith and what he knew of the faith at this hospital. apparently, the founder, mr stephenson, lost his mother to cancer in the 70's. he was not pleased with the care she received and so he, having the resources, founded a faith based cancer care center with a group of oncologists. now, that has grown across the nation to a few select facilities and we have one in our backyard. he also explained the "mother standard" in which the founder requires every patient to be treated like they are the providers "mother" (sister, daughter, wife, etc)....and..chuck, and some other staff members, meet every morning in the same room we were in to pray for the patients coming in everyday. he also disclosed that before the facility was painted, the staff was invited in to write scripture on the walls. he also told of the psychologist who prays regularly with his patients, the chaplains, the church services, and groups that are all faith based. we were extremely happy with this and i personally felt some peace. next stop, dr pollock... but i'm going to jump ahead one appointment and tell you first what we learned with the naturopathic doctor.... this was geralds favorite part. he said he liked her best. we learned (or tried to learn) a lot of fancy words none of us - even suzie - could pronounce. but they were all intriguing. from homeopathic, to hydotherapy, to chinese medicine, to vitamin supplements, everything from evening of primrose (or something like that) to accupuncture was discussed. she is a trained doctor who specializes in non-traditional medicines such as vitamins, herbs, touch therapy, protien powders and bunch of things i don't know how to spell. gerald was extremely involved in asking questions about what was available and expressing his interest in these options. they have both always been big believers in natural medicine and healthy foods with excercise. we learned a lot about ways that she can relieve not only pain from surgery, and side effects of chemo, but boost the immune system and (a concern as of lately) help reduce the side effects of taking julie's only remaining ovary which was preventing her from going on hormone replacement therapy. there are many treatments available that none of us even knew existed, and many that we had already wanted to explore. we are extremely optimistic about this area of treatment. we all (as many of you) believe that vitamins, a correctly balanced diet, water, herbs and physical activity, etc, can not only help with the complications of this disease but actually work to cure it.....

now the doctor....this needs a new paragraph. soo, we meet dr pollock the oncologist, a/k/a the "med-onc". we were with him for an hour. he asked a lot of questions even though he had been studying what the charts already had to say. he was very interested in what she "felt" and what she had been through. he seemed honest and forthright to me. after he did a full body examination (something that had previously not been done by any doctor), and asked her questions about her emotional status to what pets she had at home (and wrote that all down) he began to tell us his history, and his beliefs on what can be done. there is a lot of info to process, so i will get to the nuts and bolts of it... first of all, our "presumption" that the tumor had been growing since the original surgery (sept of '08) was correct. he said that the surgeon - no fault of his own - probably didn't get all of the cancer cells the first time as many of them are microscopic. the fact that the cancer was in her lymph nodes a year ago was important too because 80% of patients who have them in the LN have the cancer elsewhere in the body - even if it's not detectable to the human eye. so, this tumor grew throughout the chemo treatments she was taking, meaning it was resistant to the type of chemo they were supplying. that was our thought all along - gerald laughed that i was just glad i was "right", (and we all know i like being right) but honestly, i was glad that we heard confirmation of what we were assuming all along, but wouldn't or couldn't be told by another doctor. this meant we knew what it was, and what DIDN'T work. next up... what to do and what this means for julie. well, we won't have a "treatment" plan for a couple of weekw after he evaluates some tests he is running. today that included some regular blood work, some special stains of the tissue retrieved during the first surgery (and maybe the second), and a new CT and PET scan. from there he develops a new treatment plan, which, (as we suspected) will include chemo. there are options without chemo, but "that won't get the best result". and of course, we want the best or else we wouldn't be there. the other side of this is that after evaluating the PET scan, it may be a possibility that he has their surgeons go in for another surgery to remove anything the PET reveals. here's why - there are 3 machines in the world that can detect a 2 mm tumor... 2 are in europe, and the third is in tulsa at CTCA. this scan can reveal what the previous could not and provide dr pollock and the surgeons with the ability to go in and remove any remaining cancer cells/tumors surgically before we begin the other treatments. soo, after that is determined, we continue on.... there will be chemo even if the PET scan is clear -which we obviously hope and pray for. however, either way, we will be doing a different "cocktail" of chemo with a different regimen. plus some added treatments with drug trials if they choose, and other medicines that are available. but, i was impressed that dr pollock, a medical doctor, was so supportive of the other "complimentary" (not alternative) treatments available. he was extremely detemined to convey the importance and benefits of utilizing a naturopathic doctor to maximize the chemo, boost the immune system, counter act the "poison effect" of the chemo on the parts of her body it doesn't need to affect, offset the symptoms and promote healing. not only will the naturopathic doctor be utilized for this, but a nutrionist to help specialize her diet, a psychologist to make sure her mind is clear and positive, a physical therapist to help with the surgical damage and counteract the weak effect chemo can have, a pain management doctor to help maintain comfort which promotes healing, and a list of others..... he made a point to say that he wasn't going to just "pump her full of the same poison every other doctor has available without doing other things to help heal her body". after i bombarded the poor guy with 30 questions, he explained that the next step would be lab work, scheduling PET/CT, and meeting again next week just to answer questions. a week after that we will have the results of the special stains (helping him to find out more specifically what strain of colon cancer this is and what it will best respond to) and, of course, surgery or not....then she begins the entire treatment program. i'm sure i'll think of and add other things he said. but to sum it up i will say this about his "prognosis"- he further explained to us that the "3 year median survival" that the other doctor had given us... saying that while 50% don't make it 3 years, we have to know that 50% live more than 3, like, 15 or 30 year, or 50... etc. but, he also said that those figures that the other doctor had given us were compiled before new procedure and treatments were available and were essentially, out dated. (my words, not his). anyway, he did not make light of the situation, telling us it was not going to be an easy battle, but one that has been, and could be won. he made no false promises, and no guarantees, either way .... he will need the new labs and scans to help formulate a better opinion, but the goal was something to do with "a hot summer day on her front porch sipping mint julips when she's 84 years old..." there was more to that story but i'm not obliged to share....:) LOL... anyway, he is optimistic that her condition can be treated but he told her after the tests, he might get information that she doesn't want to hear. and no matter what he will be honest with us. he addressed the issues of fear she has because other doctors haven't listened, he addressed her desires to possibly not pursue chemo depending on what results may or may not provide, and he promised to be supportive in all her decisions, even the ones they don't like, as he stated "julie is the boss" (i wanted to get that notarized so that gerald could hang it on his desk HA HA HA) anyway. no doctor is perfect, not even this one. no facility is perfect. there is no perfect cure or treatment and there is no guarantee this can be fixed, but i fully feel like if she can be healed - this is the place it will happen. i think it is no coincidence that a person of incredible christian faith has been led to a facility based on that same faith. we did not hear "you will be healed" today. we heard that CTCA will treat julie's entire body, mind, and spirit utilizing the latest, and greatest, technologies and resources available. there are several more appointments to go, we still haven't met with the nutrionist, physical therapist, psychologist, pain management specialist, and many others. and i promise not to write novels when we see them... :) but. i will close with this. our battle is far from over. this is not going be easy, but i think it will be easier. we have more soldiers, better tactics, more armory, and new ammo that we didn't have before. these new resources, i believe, will give us the best chance of winning this war. prayers are still requested, in praise as we thank God for providing this new place with new options, and with hopes of healing through this. she was a trooper today. she stood tall and walked through pain - physically and emotionally - as we went from appointment to appointment. with a true dedication i believe only a Christ follower can have. she is going to be ok - no matter what happens. but after today, i'm a little more optimistic that she will be here on earth for the long haul and glorifying God daily by showing others what she has overcome. her faith will be on display for many years to come i hope, and i think now is little more possible thanks to today. i hope you will all pray that CTCA can do what they say, that they can treat her whole body, that if anyone can heal her, they will. i thank you all for your continuous prayers and support through all this as always - in Christ - tobra

bracelets are in.... details from appt... and other ramblings from tobra

the royal blue bracelets imprinted with "praying for julie" arrived at my doorstep today.... if you would like to purchase one, feel free to email me or call to pick yours up. they are $5 each. monies collected (including above and beyond the cost of the bracelets) are being given to julie and gerald. i've had some people ask if i'm collecting donations for julie and gerald to help with their situation, and i am... that's what i will include with the cash collected with the bracelets. i'm not sure if i'm going to have enough for everyone in this first order, so let me know quickly how many you need and that way i can get a second order placed if needed. and fyi...royal blue is the color of colon cancer awareness.

we had a not-so-great appointment monday with her current oncologist who gave us news we were pretty much expecting from him. it boils down to this: she will have a "follow-up" PET scan in 3 weeks. if it is "clear" she WILL do another 6 months of chemo as "insurance" and that will give her a 25% chance of having a "median 3 years survival". if the PET scan is NOT clear, chemo will buy her some time until she decides to stop treating it, if she takes the chemo at all. and not that her current doctor is incapable, or incompetent, but...well, those numbers aren't good enough for us... so we are anticipating better news tomorrow at our cancer treatment centers of america appointment. CTCA if you are not familiar, is a specialty hospital for cancer patients that treats the person "holistically", mind, body, nutrition, diet, exercise, spirtuality, along with traditional medicine such as chemo, radiation, and other pharmaceutical products. so, since they rank with MD Anderson and Mayo as one of the top facilities in the nation, we are lucky to have them in our backyard here in tulsa and look forward to the treatment they can provide. i think my friend monica said it best today when she posted on my facebook "The doctors have been wrong before. There are some things that modern medicine can't anticipate. Hope, faith and Julie's amazing zest for life are things that a physician can't possibly calculate into a prognosis." this is so true. julie is indescribably strong and dedicated to her faith. if anyone can overcome this awful disease, it is julie.

i just want to thank you all again for your support. keep up the prayers... it has been a truly "awesome" experience to witness how many people who have come together from across the state, and the country, to join in prayer for someone many haven't even met -just out of love for Christ and our fellow brothers and sisters. i've never been first hand to someone who has influenced this many people. what a wonderful testament to others of what our faith in Christ can accomplish. not just the healing - but the drawing together of people for one purpose. i know i say this all the time, but your compassion is appreciated beyond words. thank you so much... - tobra

Met with the Oncologist Today

Gerald, Tobra and myself all met with Dr. Lynch today. He pretty much said what we were expecting. We are going to wait three weeks to heal from the surgery and then we'll do a PET scan. Option 1: if the PET scan comes back clear, we will do chemo as an insurance policy and will be pronounced in remission. Option 2: the PET scan comes back with cancer on it, we will do chemo in an effort to buy time. Dr. Lynch is estimating we can get between 6 months to 3 years maximum.

Not exactly what we wanted to hear but certainly not anything different from what we were expecting. But take heart, God holds my breath, not Dr. Lynch. I am not afraid, in fact, I have my game face on. We beat this before and we'll beat it again. I have been receiving your emails and I must say that I am deeply touched by them. It is and always has been my hope that one person would be drawn by the Holy Spirit as they witness this battle. And I am so pleased to hear comments like "thank you for giving me a reason to talk to God again" and "I find your demeanor uplifting and your Faith in God inspiring. I am praying for you and Gerald and know that God is with you."

My prayer continues to be that God would be glorified through this and that my words and actions bring Him glory and honor. Please don't misunderstand, I am not a saint, I am scared and angry but I know that I am not in this fight alone. I shared with some of you last year before I started chemo and was frightened, God gave me the following message:

So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
For I am the Lord, your God,
who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you,
do not fear; I will help you.
Isaiah 41:10 & 13

I know that God's word is the same today, yesterday and forever. He does not change. My prayer for you all is that you will rest in His word and watch as His miracles unfold.

Our next stop is the Cancer Treatment Centers on Wednesday. They do a 5-day evaluation but we'll keep you posted as we progress.

Because of Christ,

Julie

hilti day

i just want to say i was SUPER excited to meet so many people today at hilti founders day. it was great to finally put some faces with names and make connection with so many people who are influential in julie and gerald's lives. i loved visiting the cubicles and seeing where you all work...what a great place to be employed~! mostly i enjoyed getting to see everyone's expressions when they saw julie up and about for the first time in a while.... and she was so delighted to see all of you! it really made her day. thank you all for your continuing prayers and we will keep you posted! - tobra

Thursday, August 6th

Hello everybody....it is Julie. I just want to take a moment to say how grateful I am to have such a support team behind me. Your prayers, calls, emails and cards have been overwhelming. I am sure you have all heard the pathology report came back with a very gloomy prognosis. It is the colon cancer and it has come back in a different area outside the bowel. My surgeon is saying we are going back to the oncologist for more aggressive chemo. They do not expect it to kill the cancer but simply buy some time. We don't know for sure until we meet with Dr. Lynch, the oncologist, on Monday (8/10). We also have set an appt with Cancer Treatment Centers of America on Wednesday, August 12th. I have been on the phone with them most of the day today and they are a lot more hopeful than my current doctors. So we are in the process of getting all my records sent over for them to review by Tuesday. Dr. Pollock, with CTCA, will be ready to meet and discuss options on Wednesday. I cannot begin any kind of treatment until my surgeon releases my later this month. But we want to have our ducks in a row so we can get right down to the fight. This will be a much tougher road than the first round but we kicked cancer once and we'll do it again!

My prayer request is that my faith would be strengthened through this...I have really had a hard time the past 24 hours. Being told the gloomy path report and hearing what doctors think but trying to hold on to God's promise of healing has been a challenge to say the least. But I know that God is greater that cancer. He says "Greater is He that is in you than he that is in the world". So I'm standing on the promise that God will not leave me and only wants the best for me. If we are going through this battle it is His plan and we will go through it together.

I thank God for each of you and your willingness to stand in the gap for me. Together we are going to see the awesome hand of God move and we will all be better for it. Please feel free to call or email anytime. You can reach us at the house (918) 371-2367 or email at: julieandgerald@gmail.com. Talk to you soon.

Because of Christ,
Julie

24 hours later

julie isn't feeling well today. especially after the news she received yesterday but we are determined to fight. she is tired, having some pain, and weird side effects which we are attributing to the lack of any ovaries now. we have an appointment with her current oncologist on monday and then with cancer treatment centers of america (which i will probably refer to as CTCA from here out) on wednesday. so next week will be very informative. the sad truth is that we have no idea what we are dealing with right now. considering the surgeon went in with the idea that this was an ovarian cyst and that her colon was clean, it's a surprise to all of us that the cancer had metasticized to the outside of her bowel. she tried to ask yesterday about lymph nodes but he said he couldn't find any which we interpret to mean that none were tested this time around. we don't know what was left, we don't know what is there or how much, we don't know what was tested, or how long this has grown, we don't know a lot and so we are praying for a lot of peace when we get some more answers and for sure some new ideas next week. please pray that she will maintain a fighting spirit. this is hard enough to go through, but much harder the second time around. and since she has had another major surgery we have to keep her healing and recovery from that as a major focus. i personally have struggled the last 24 hours, which i was hesitant to admit. and while this isn't about me, it gave me a glimmer of insight as to how she must feel. as i screamed and cried i realized that her pain and fear must be magnified so much more than i can imagine. and as i became frustrated with my own inability to change this or treat her, i realized gerald must feel so helpless and worried. i know he is strong, and i know she is strong, but even those of us with great faith and steady constitutions sometimes waiver in our positive attitudes. it is my wholesome prayer that they are both given strength from our Lord to deal with this, overcome this, and share their stories so that other people facing these same awful situations may be granted some peace. and i pray that this cancer will be removed from her body once and for all with the new treatments we will be encountering as we push forward. i cannot express to you all how much it means to see the support raining in from friends and co-workers, and even people through me that have never even met julie. you are all so wonderful to pour yourselves out with offerings of prayer and service during this time. i've had several requests already for the bracelets so i hope i ordered enough, but if not, i'll gladly order some more. :) thank you all for everything you've done and i'll continue to keep you posted. in the mean time feel free to email me at mrsavery678@gmail.com if you have questions. i'm hoping this will streamline the amount of calls that julie and gerald have to field because as much as they love all of you and your kind words, i know it is wearing on them to repeat 20 times a day the same information. thank you again, and keep up the prayer support - in Christ - tobra.

bracelets

i have ordered blue silicone bracelets that say "praying for julie". blue is the colon cancer awareness color and hopefully wearing these will remind us all throughout the day to say an extra prayer. i have been wearing 6 on my arm of different colors and reasons for several months so this will add to my collection. the bracelets are $5 each and should arrive in about a week or less. after the cost of the bracelets if there is any money left, i will just be giving it directly to gerald and julie. i will be glad to send these out to those of you who aren't in the tulsa area, if you will just send me your mailing address and the money for how many bracelets you want. my email is mrsavery678@gmail.com

thanks - and keep praying - tobra

no good way of saying this: the colon cancer is back

so i just got word from julie that the surgeon, dr allred, called and the colon cancer is back. that is what the mass was in her body apparently. they tested 5 times to make sure what kind of cancer it was and there is no estrogen and therefore it is not ovarian cancer. even though the colon was clean on the colonoscopy apparently it had spread to the outside of the colon which is why it didn't show up. he said it was "metastatic cancer" which essentially means that the original cancer spread to the outside and it "beat" the chemo she had previously been on. when asked what the treatment would be, her surgeon just said that was not for him to say, but he assumed more chemo. julie asked if this makes his initial statement that chemo would just prolong her life but not cure it, he said, "i don't know" dr allred advised that she see him again aug 19 for a follow up and then go see the oncologist. that is not ok with me. i want her in asap to see the oncologist, i was second opinions and i will be looking into cancer treatment centers of america. PLEASE have her in your prayers. she is not taking this well, no one is. i don't give up easily, and i know she doesn't either so please keep her in your prayers as we fight what looks to be a very rough fight. i will keep you posted. please feel free to post comments here or email me at mrsavery678@gmail.com if you have questions or messages, but, julie prefers to be left alone right now. she told me that she appreciates everyones concerns and well wishing phone calls but she needs some time to process this in private. please don't take offense, just understand she needs some space. i will keep you informed. thank you so much. - tobra

homeward bound

well....julie just called me FROM THE CAR and said they are on their way home. she sounded ecstatic to be out of the hospital and back in the real world. she has a pretty good supply of decent pain meds to help her and she is allowed to ease her way back into "real food". they will be home this a.m. but her first item on the agenda is a lot of sleep. she is hoping to get some real rest in her own bed so i plan to leave them alone until this evening and maybe check in again then. her surgeon was the actual doctor to discharge her this morning, and as of 7:30, he had not yet heard any pathology results. PLEASE continue to pray that comes back clean as a whistle so we can avoid chemo. but if indeed God has that in His plan for her, i know she will kick it's butt just like last time. SOOO....prayers again for the pathology and speed recovery now that she is home. thanks again everyone - i'll keep you posted! - tobra

sunday update

they removed the drainage tube from julie's side, as well as her epidural today. as of 6pm she was doing ok with just pain meds and was actually walking the halls with a couple of friends from work. the hope is that she can come home tomorrow (monday). we should also find out pathology results in the morning. she is still only eating a "liquid diet" as far as the hospital knows, but she has been snuck a few items from an unidentified source :) soooo, that seems to be going ok. i will let you know what we find out in the morning and if she is coming home tomorrow. thanks again -tobra

overnight stay

so when i got to the hospital last night, i found our damsel in distress :) a shift change error on the nurses part had left her without anyone to help her get back in bed or to provide some much needed anti-nausea medicine for about 40 mins. and considering i'm pretty sure julie likes me a great deal, i was fairly convinced she was not happy because i got to hear more of her "ugly superlatives" when i walked into the room.... so i immediately grabbed a nurse who alleviated gave the meds, and we had a pretty in-depth talk about the care we expected her to receive. it always helps to mention that someone will be staying with her overnight.... probably helps more to mention that her surgeon and doctor is one of the directors of the hospital and carries a lot of clout among the nursing staff....best not to upset him. so the nurse we had all night was wonderful. she did a great job and we were very pleased with her. gerald helped us walk the floor a couple of laps and it went very well. after he left, julie and i were up critiquing items on QVC until about 2 am when they finally finished what seemed to be drop-ins from the nurses for vitals, med checks, dosing, etc every 30 mins. but at 2, after a triple threat combo of 2 pain meds and an anti-nausea that causes sleepiness, she conked out for about 3 hours. i was happy that she was able to get some fairly solid rest. at 5:30 she was up again briefly and then she rested for another hour before deciding to stay up and get out of the bed for a while. when i was leaving this a.m. about 9, becky and gerald had both made it in and julie was still up and getting ready to take a walk. she is no longer on the iv, only the epidural and the other pain meds so today will be a big day in her recovery.... i am still guessing it will be tomorrow at the earliest before she goes home, but the doctor had not made his rounds when i left so as soon as i find out i'll blog it!

this photo is from last night when gerald was leaving. my friend matt had made our family some tortilla soup and asked me to bring some to gerald, so along with some of steph's leftover birthday cake, i packed my adorable thirty-one thermal tote with the pink bubbles.... wondering if he would walk out of the hospital carrying this... apparently he is secure in his masculinity because he toted the tote out the door :)

thanks again everyone.....keep up the awesome prayer work.

well-wishes

also..... if you want to leave comments, i would gladly relay them to julie and gerald until they can get home and check the the blog themselves!

friday daytime visit

well, julie was doing pretty well today when i saw her. she was in good spirits, but they are still having a tough time getting her pain managed. gerald was going to help her walk this afternoon and hopefully the movement will help with some of that. she also was able to eat some beef soup (not so tasty she said) and some pudding and a chocolate "mighty shake" which was apparently not that bad.... on the rest of the front - she is for sure as feisty as always and has had some "ugly superlatives" (her words) for the pain and the delays sometimes in getting that managed. i was very happy to see her smiling and joking though. however, please have her in your prayers still for a speedy recovery and hopefully an end to this pain. they are hoping to release her saturday or sunday....if i had to guess i'd say sunday at the rate we are going. i am getting ready to go relieve gerald and i'm staying the night so i'll have more updates either tonight or tomorrow..... thanks again - tobra

update as of 10pm

gerald says julie is resting but is in quite a bit of pain. they are having a hard time getting her epidural to relieve her pain. but they are working on it right now. other than that she is good. gerald is staying tonight, and i will be going down in the morning so i will post more info at that point. then he's coming back to the hospital tomorrow afternoon and i'm staying the night with her tomorrow night. thank you all again so much - tobra

surgery report

julie is out of surgery and ok. she did really well according to dr allred, her surgeon. he removed a very very large mass that was intertwined with her ovary and her colon. it was larger than he had anticipated from the imaging. however, he got all of it removed, including the ovary, he repaired 2 small places where it had damaged her large and small intestine, and got her all put back together with minimal blood loss and flying colors. he is referring to the mass as "a cyst" for now, it will be sent off to pathology to find out if there are any cancerous cells. there was a lot of blood in the cyst, but he was unable to determine what caused that. he checked the liver, colon and the nearby lymph nodes which he determined to be all clean which is a great sign. he is predicting a shorter hospital stay based on how well she did during surgery. let's pray for everything to come back clean so no chemo!!!! but overall she is doing well and as of 5pm this is what i know... more info to come. thank you ALL for you continuous prayer support. i will keep you posted - tobra

surgery started

Surgery started at 2:43. Prayers all around....please. Thanks :)

she's back there!

She has been taken back to surgery. Gerald and I are in the waiting room with another family member, calista. So we are now just waiting until the dr comes out with an update. We are told 2 hrs for surgery and 1 hour in recovery so I'm hoping I can see her before I have to leave to go pick steph up.... Julie was happy and in very good spirits. Gerald is good, a little nervous I think but understandable :). So we are going to sit here and talk until we hear something. I will keep you posted :)

tuesday update

just to let you all know... julie is doing ok. she's in quite a bit of pain, but she has meds to help alleviate some of that. she is very ready to get the surgery over. she told us last night that she isn't scared at all... just ready. she seems to be in great spirits and thankful that the surgery is going to have a much different outcome than we were facing 7 days ago.

thank you all SO much for your prayers. i will update you often as we go through the next week.

surgery scheduled

ok folks... the surgery has been scheduled for next thursday the 30th. it will be at st john hospital in tulsa. i will get more details regarding time and when she will be able to have visitors. looks like dr. street will be scrubbing in with dr. allred so we are looking forward to two of the most talented surgeons in the state using their gifts to heal julie. continue to have them in your prayers through all of this, and let's pray that this mass is a cyst or benign tumor so we can avoid chemo!

at this point we will need help in the following areas:

caring for their dogs
providing meals
cleaning house
childcare for my kids so i can relieve gerald at the hospital

if more needs arise, i will let you know. please contact me in the meantime if you are able to help with any of the above....my email is tobra79@gmail.com

thank you again on behalf of gerald and julie, and of course from me....
-tobra

GOD IS GOOD

ok.... soooo. what a day! first of all we want to say THANK YOU TO ANYONE AND EVERYONE who prayed for julie to be healed. this is an amazing time to give glory to God for the gift and blessing he has provided her. so thank you for your support in prayer.

here's how our day unfolded. i picked julie up about 7am and we had a deep conversation on the way to st john hospital. this has been routine for us lately, given the news. we talked about mortality, what she wanted to do with her last days if they couldn't fix this, and how she wasn't scared to die - just not ready either. we got to the hospital and after another barrage of paperwork they called her back at 8:10. i sat in the waiting room with my blackberry trying to distract myself thru facebook, internet, and anything to pass the time. the nurse came and got me and moved me to a private "room" where i was to sit and wait for our surgeon, dr allred, (a/k/a my new best friend) to come and speak with me about the test. after what seemed like hours but wasn't really that long at all, he came in to talk to me. (here's where my story begins to be told as if i'm a teenager : ) he said "it isn't colon cancer". and i said, "WHAT??" and he said "it isn't colon cancer again, the colon is clear." and i totally jumped out of my chair (literally JUMPED) and said "WHAT??" and he said, "the CT scan yesterday shows that the mass is outside of the colon, it's on the ovary, it's either a cyst or a tumor. and the colonoscopy today confirms that the colon is clear - it is NOT recurrent colon cancer." and i said, "wow. are you kidding? so it's better?" and he said, "yes it's a lot better" (still in shock i said,) "so this is good?" and dr. allred (still somehow patient with me) said, "yes this is VERY good." and i then reminded him of his "not optimistic" prognosis from monday, which he promptly dismissed and replaced with "very optimistic". then, as if i were overtaken by some lacadasical crazy person (ok, ok) i hugged the man. LOL. yep. i hugged the surgeon in front of God and everyone in the endoscopy waiting area. the other women waiting on their own people to finish up, and their own results which i can only hope were as good as ours, looked at me like i was a bit strange. i felt the need to justify all this with "this means my friend is going to LIVE!" maybe at that point they understood my joy. either way -i didn't care. so i wrapped up a few other details with dr. allred my new BFF and he went on his way and i resisted the uncontrollable urge to facebook the news until i could reach gerald. who must have been on a business call at work and couldn't answer FOUR TIMES when i called. finally the phone rang and i was able to say to him what i just wrote to you above....except about 10 times faster and stuttering somewhat. and then our lovely julie was wheeled down the hall and i could pass the phone to her. with tears in her eyes she told her husband she was going to be ok. and after she hung up she hugged me for what must have been 5 minutes. we did a happy dance, we laughed, i facebooked and twittered and emailed and texted, and we went to ihop to celebrate.

the less than fun, but still relevant details are this: there is a mass in her abdomen. it's not like it just disappeared, but it's fixable. dr. allred is going to remove the mass with the help of a gynocological oncology surgeon within the next week to ten days. it could be a cyst, or it could be a tumor, and if it's a tumor it could be benign or or could be malignant. best case scenario- it's a cyst - and they remove the entire ovary and mass and stitch her up and we go on about our business. worst case scenario - it's a malignant tumor and it's in the lymph nodes - again - they remove the entire ovary and mass and she faces some chemo afterward. been there, done that. he said that this situation is "much easier" than the other scenario and that he is "optimistic". and, again, this is GOOD news. we are not done, there is still surgery, recovery and possibly (though unlikely) chemo. but, my FRIEND is going to live and that to me is amazing.

i had the opportunity this week to be a first hand witness to a miracle. partially in the great news God has provided us with her health, and partially in the grace he provided her before she knew that the outcome would be positive. many of you saw this blog and/or my facebook status yesterday which said that "julie has decided the doctor is wrong". i wanted to believe it, but she really did. and she was right. God gave her that grace. God gave her this healing. and God gave US all of you to help with both of those. to God goes the glory, and to you go the thanks.

i will update you as we go-please continue to have her in your prayers.

tobra