paybacks are NOT "heck"

hey everyone, it's tobra....it's been a very long time since i've blogged here. julie has been doing a wonderful job and so i've let her take the reigns on updating everyone on how things are going. i'm not going to post a big long novel (which i'm notorious for) i just wanted to share a little something from the other side of the fence.

i have grave's disease which is an autoimmune disease for which there is no cure, just treatment. it causes (among other things) hyperthyroidsim. in my case, it went for several years undiagnosed and was pretty severe when it was discovered this past february. by april i was experiencing cardiac problems and liver function issues. my endocrinologist needed to start a treatment quickly. there are 4 treatment options:

• no treatment - eventually the thyroid "burns out" on its own which is unsafe, and in the mean time i continue to have cardiac and liver issues
• surgery - which will work, but is risky and invasive
• medication - which has a good chance of controlling temporarily, not so much long term. but it can cause immune system problems and liver damage
• radioactive iodine (I-131) therapy which destroys the thyroid chemically, little risk of side effect, sometimes has to be repeated, but i have to isolate myself for 5 days from my family

i decided to have the radioactive iodine treatment. this was after months of research and lots of consultations. i was originally supposed to have this done in july when my kids were with their dad for a week. but my labs were off the charts too high and it wasn't safe for me to attempt it at that time. so they began treating me with the medication as a temporary way to get me healthy. i did in fact end up having some immune system problems just as of late, but my thyroid labs were down to normal last week and we had this window of opportunity to get me off the medicine and do the RAI (radioactive iodine)

i have said all that to say this... the RAI is really not a big deal. there are some swelling and soreness/neck pain associated with it, and hoarseness. flu like symptoms. but not really a big deal. i just have to be away from my family and that's the big impact. and in the beginning i struggled with which was the right decsion to make for treatment. but months ago i picked the RAI and i was prepared. or so i thought.

so today was the big day, but for some reason i had a meltdown as i drove myself to the doctor's office to "take the pill." i'm not sure if it was my nerves getting to me, maybe because i'd been off my meds for 8 days, or just the fact that it's so permanent or that i'll actually get worse before i get better. but either way, i was crying my eyes out driving down 169. probably scaring the heck out of everyone else around me :) when i got to the doctor's office, i turned around to see the one and only julie standing behind me. she knew i was upset, and drove over from CTCA to come sit with me. she was able to stay until they actually administered the treatment and then she had to leave, but before that it took them almost an hour so it was quite a wait. so she sat and we talked. and honestly, as it happens so many times - usually the other way around - we didn't talk about the medical stuff. we talked about other things. we laughed. we joked. it was such a relief to have her there. i was scared, and what i'm in the middle of isn't nearly as big of a deal as her fight right now, and i was upset. it gave me a new appreciation for what she is going through. but more than that, it gave me a new appreciation for her friendship. when i turned around to see her standing behind me after i checked in, it was as if the biggest weight had been lifted. she considered this "repayment" for my support for her. well as you can probably imagine, i've never expected anything in return for helping her through treatments (other than one little thing - she has to live, i've kind of demanded that of her :) and i'm not saying julie felt obligated to be there, it wasn't that at all, she cares about me as much as i care about her. she was there out of love, not because she owed me. but i understand a tiny tiny glimpse of what it means to her when we all support her, because she did that today for me. my mindset completely changed when she was there with me. that's why having a support system is so important in any struggle, especially the one she's fighting right now.

so, you always hear people say "paybacks are 'heck' " (to say it nicely) ... not so much. i think we all need to forget wasting our energy on "getting back" at someone who has wronged us, and start moving forward with returning what we have been given. everything comes from God. even julie's support system, gerald, me, all of you, though we are just people, He has placed us in her life. and He gave Julie to me today in my hour of need, and everyday as a wonderful friend. no, not just a friend - she is family.

thanks julie. i love you. keep up the good work on living... so far so good :)

and sorry everyone... it ended up being another novel.....