Hearts and minds are clear...

as my mother-in-law used to say. I'll go in for surgery in the morning. I had a rough night Monday, couldn't sleep because I was worried about everthing. I laid there and thought that maybe I needed to write a few letters and make a list of songs I wanted at my funeral. Then I realized that my stomach was in knots and I knew it was all a lie. You see, I have learned over the years that when my stomach is doing flip flops that Satan is spinning his lies. So about 1:30 I started asking for peace. I continued to angst most of the night. Then the alarm went off and I started the day. I was scheduled for six different appointments at CTCA so on the way I asked God to calm my fears and give me the courage to face the surgery.

For anybody that knows me, you know that I am a planner. When ever there is a task before me I make a plan to accomplish it. Then, just in case, I have a back up plan. Then just to be safe, my back up plan has a back up plan. I know I'm a little crazy and a bit of a control freak! The thing that is bothering me most is that this surgery is deemed exploratory, meaning we don't know what all they are going to do, how long it is going to take or even how long I'll be in the hospital. All I know is show up ready on Thursday morning.

When I got to CTCA, I met with the anesthesiologist who explained all the procedures and then assured me that I was in good hands because I had the best surgeon. Then I met another patient and her husband that had worked with my surgeon and praised his work. My next appointment was with the respatory theraperist. She told me about the excellent care that I was going to receive and how lucky I was to have Dr. Greeff, that he is the best oncology surgeon. Back out at the waiting room, I met another patient of Dr. Greeff's that told me about their very positive experience. On to the pain management appointment...my other big fear was the epidural (a big freakin' needle in your spine). He explained how he does the procedure and that he will numb the area before inserting the needle...problem solved. After the doctor left I got to visit with Barbara, the nurse. She was so comforting and shared with me her devotion from that morning. Here it is:

Learn to live from your true center in Me. I reside in the deepest depths of your being, in eternal union with your spirit. It is at this deep level that My Peace reigns continually. You will not find lasting peace in the world around you, in circumstances, or in human relationships. The external world is always in flux - under the curse of death and decay. But there is a gold mine of Peace deep within you, waiting to be tapped. Take time to delve into the riches of My residing Presence. I want you to live increasingly from your real Center, where My Love has an eternal grip on you. I am Christ in you, the hope of Glory.

Wow is all I can say. I started the day out asking for peace and the God of the universe heard my request. He sent me multiple messages that He is in control, that He has put the very best team together for my benefit and that He is still in the peace giving business. So again I say...what an awesome God I serve!

I'm ready for tomorrow, my bag is packed, my head is clear and my heart is at peace. Tobra is going to keep the blog updated. I am requesting the following prayer from you all...that God will use Dr. Greeff and his team as the instrument to remove all the cancer.

Because of Christ,

Julie